he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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