his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we're making bets on your personal life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
