I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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