I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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