Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
