There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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