I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
