That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize