Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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