I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
