so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
love makes seman taste better
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
