Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
