It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
