Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
