When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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