But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
