The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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