It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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