I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
