id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
