I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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