I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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