dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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