can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
