don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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