batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
