Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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