i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
