She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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