Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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