come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
