Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
