nut hugger
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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