I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
