If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
