Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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