Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
