i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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