I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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