Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
