You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
