Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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