The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
BRING THE BAGELS
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
