Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
