I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
