i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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