I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
