Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
