So drunk its hurt
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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