If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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