How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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