ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
we should paint friendship bongs
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