The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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