Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize