I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
