Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
