i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
