whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
