We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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