I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
