If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize