Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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