Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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