There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ladies don't puke and tell
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
